Sunday, December 8, 2013

Emotion: Best Friend, Worst Enemy

By Al Duncan


"Emotion can be the enemy. If you give in to your emotion, you lose yourself. You must be at one with your emotions because the body always follows the mind." Those are the words of legendary martial artist, Bruce Lee.

One could easily argue that emotions are the most powerful force governing our behavior. In most cases, emotions are the protectors of your well-being. They are your allies and their primary function is to ensure your survival.

Remember the old wise-saying, "With friends like these, who needs enemies?" Emotions are the epitome of that expression.

It is a scientific fact that if left untamed, our basic emotions (anger, joy, disgust, surprise, distress, and fear) would cause you to kill first and ask questions later. Or run first and ask questions later. This is known as Flight or Fight Response.

Flight or Fight Response applies to physical and psychological situations. Emotions run amok will have you shouting or crying. They will have you making incorrect assumptions and not asking enough questions. Believe it or not, all of this is done in the name of survival.

Initially, your body responds to a psychological attack (i.e. insults) in the same manner it would a physical threat. This is especially true in the heat of the moment. Think about that.

Although they are supposed to be our friends, emotions frequently leave us in a world of trouble. Why? The answer is simple.

Human beings are not biologically designed for diplomacy. We are designed for survival.

For countless generations, the emotional brain, also known as the limbic system, has been doing what it does best: keeping us out of harms way. Then along comes the neocortex, the logical brain, to make things much complex.

Now a person knows that if he or she can't do physical harm, an insulting remark will often do the trick. Although it's not a physical attack, your emotional brain still recognizes the bad intentions and responds accordingly.

If you aren't careful, in 3-5 seconds for the chemicals that produce emotions flood your system creating what is often referred to as an emotional hijacking. Your emotions could become your enemies.

In life and death situations that call for immediate action an emotional hijacking might save your life. (Think about jumping out of the way of a moving car.)

At work, however, an emotional hijacking might cost you your job. It might cost you a deal, undermine a negotiation, or ruin a relationship.

Therefore the timeless advice about counting to ten before your respond is verified, not only by common sense, but also science. Counting to ten gives you a chance to use your logical brain.

So, the next time you feel a wave of emotions crashing down on your system, pause and do your best access your neocortex-the logical brain. Joshua Freeman-leading Emotional Intelligence expert-calls it the "six second pause."

I've found that, for me it's even better to take the four extra seconds and go for the full ten count just to be sure. Because it can be so costly, impulsive behavior is nothing to play with.

When I was growing up my mom was fond of saying, "Al, don't let your friends get you in trouble."

Mom, you never told me that you were talking about my emotions.




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